Alright, listen up, little bro. You want a crash course on how to ruin your 20s? Perfect—I’ve got the playbook right here. Buckle up because we’re about to take a joyride through all the mistakes you’ll regret by the time you’re 30.
Step 1: Let Rage Be Your Copilot
Start by consuming brain rot content. Scroll through news feeds, comment sections, or those spicy “takes” on Twitter. Get mad at everything: politics, celebrities, pineapple on pizza—whatever gets you fired up. Bonus points if you’re ranting to your friends about stuff they don’t care about. Pro tip: if you’re getting angry, someone’s making money off you. Congrats, you’re part of the system now.
Step 2: Fear the “Stupid” Question
Got a dumb question in class or at work? Keep it to yourself. Sure, it might help you learn something, but why risk looking like an idiot? Everyone else probably has the same question, but let them ask first so they can be the designated fool. Remember, silence is golden—until you bomb the next quiz or project because you were too proud to speak up.
Maybe watch this if you see yourself in number 2
Step 3: Sabotage Your Sleep
Sleep is for the weak. If you want restless nights, crank up a stimulating YouTube rabbit hole right before bed. Immerse yourself in conspiracy theories, random tutorials, or, my personal favorite, “What Happened to the Cast of Saved by the Bell?” Hold the screen an inch from your face to bathe in that sweet, sweet blue light. You’ll wake up groggy, but at least you’ll know the untold drama of 90s sitcom stars.
Step 4: Stay Busy, Never Reflect
Be like a hamster on a wheel—just keep going. Jump from one thing to the next like a caffeinated squirrel. Never take a second to reflect on what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. Reflection is overrated. Besides, who’s got time for self-improvement when there’s a whole internet of memes to scroll through?
Step 5: Avoid Working Out
Why bother breaking a sweat? Sure, exercise boosts your mood, helps you sleep, and keeps you healthy, but have you felt how gross you get afterward? Stick to the couch. After all, Netflix doesn’t require a warm-up routine, and your chips-to-mouth ratio is already Olympic level.
Step 6: Follow the Herd
Discipline is for monks and Marines. Do whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it. Addictions? Sure, but make sure they’re socially acceptable ones. Gaming marathons, TikTok scrolling, or double-tapping Insta stories—go wild. Bonus points if your vices line up with everyone else’s. Nothing bonds people like mutual bad habits.
Step 7: Impress Everyone (Especially Strangers)
Here’s the secret to life: other people’s opinions are all that matter. Not your mom’s opinion or your best friend’s—but random strangers on the internet. Use social media to flex your best angles, post your avocado toast, and chase validation like a dog chasing its tail. And hey, if you’re not racking up likes, are you even living?
Step 8: Never Update Your Worldview
Whatever you believed when you were 18? Stick with that. Who needs growth or learning when stubborn ignorance is an option? Books? Forget it—those are for old people who still use bookmarks. Just wait for inspiration to strike, like lightning during a clear day. It’s bound to happen eventually, right?
Step 9: Fast Food, Fast Life
Why bother cooking when the drive-thru exists? Sure, it’ll shave minutes off your sleep and years off your life, but think of all the time you’re saving by not dirtying a single dish. Plus, nothing screams “I have my life together” like a bag of fries on the passenger seat.
Step 10: Ignore Your Feelings
Feeling sad, anxious, or like you’ve been hit by a truck full of existential dread? No worries. Just ignore it. Aren’t we all just stardust floating in the cosmic abyss, anyway? Self-reflection is for philosophers, and therapy? Overrated. Just keep chugging coffee and pretending everything’s fine.
So there you have it: a step-by-step guide to making your 20s as chaotic and unproductive as humanly possible, of course this is all sarcasm and I don’t want you to actually ruin your life, but who knows maybe if that is the kind of thing you are into, this will work for you 100%. And you know I’m always here to help. Follow these tips, and you’ll be knee-deep in regret by 30. Or don’t follow them—what do I know?
Oh, and if you’re wondering why I’m such an expert, let’s just say I’ve been there. I once stayed up three nights straight binge-watching Shark Tank and eating fried chicken. Did it make me a better person? No. Did I learn how to pitch a mediocre business idea? Also no. But hey, the regret was worth it.
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