Why Most Most Men Ruin The First Date

Alright, my man, let’s talk about something that a lot of guys get wrong. The lord has actually placed this on my heart and as your big brother… or just your brother for the really old dudes out there. I have a responsibility to make sure your hear this gospel which is… (drumroll please….) — Why a lot of guys ruin the first dates.

So you finally get a woman to say yes, she blocks off her calendar, puts on makeup, ditches her comfy sweatpants, and actually shows up to see you. That means, at the very least, she’s more interested in you than not. But here’s where most guys fumble the bag—they try way too hard to impress her.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Wait, isn’t that the whole point? To show her I’m a high-value man?” My guy, slow down. Let me tell you a quick story.

Back in my early dating days, I thought the key was to flex. First date? Boom—I’d roll up talking about my job, my travels, my “interesting” hobbies. And guess what? I’d watch the excitement drain from her face like I just told her my favorite hobby was watching paint dry. I couldn’t figure it out—wasn’t I supposed to be making myself look good? Turns out, I was making it all about me, when really, I should’ve been making it about her experience with me.

See, when a woman agrees to a first date, she’s not in love with you—she’s in love with the idea of you. She’s filled in the blanks based on whatever little info she had—maybe your profile, your texts, a short conversation. She’s built up a fantasy, and your job isn’t to impress her with a PowerPoint presentation on your life—it’s to let her enjoy that fantasy for a little longer.

So what do most guys do wrong? They talk too much. They try to “prove” their value by bragging about their money, status, or achievements. And what happens? They kill the mystery. They shatter the fantasy too soon, and boom—interest gone. It’s like seeing behind the curtain at a magic show before the trick even happens.

Instead, flip the script. Your job on a first date isn’t to “sell” yourself—it’s to make her feel something. Let her do most of the talking. Get her to open up, share her emotions, tell stories. When she leaves the date what she should be thinking is, “Wow, I just talked about myself the whole time, and I had such a great time,” that’s your effing win. Because people don’t remember details—they remember how you made them feel.

Think about it like this—if you meet someone who just lets you talk, makes you laugh, and makes you feel interesting, don’t you walk away thinking, “Man, I really like that person”? Same principle applies here.

So, next time you’re on a first date, remember: less talking, more listening, more making her feel good. Don’t rush to shatter the fantasy—let her enjoy the ride. And before you know it, she’ll be chasing more time with you, not the other way around.

What do you think, fam? Have you been guilty of over-talking on dates? Let me know in the comments. And if you liked this, hit that consider subscribing to my newsletter for more amazing content like this ( I know self praise is shallow but allow me have this moment just today lol) and let’s keep leveling up together. Go use this knowledge and I’ll see you next time!